This was a ‘for real’ listing that a guy in the states used to sell this humble home.
“Ok Asheville, I get it. People is broke these days.
Therefore I dropped the price on my house to $224,900.
Go look at it, and if you don’t like it, then screw you, but I think you will like it. If you like awesome houses that are recently fixed up.
You can jam your loud ass kids in the basement and have some freaking peace and quiet. So if you hate peace and quiet, then look at another house.
If you want your kids to suck at basketball, then also look at another house.
This house has a freaking basketball court, for god’s sake. There might be some rust around the rim, but your kid can’t dunk, so don’t worry about.
I know you think you can dunk, but you can’t, so buy this house.
There is also a dead end street, and people pay big money for a dead end street.
You only have to pay $224,900. Kids learn to ride bikes on dead end streets, so if you want your kid to be a shitty bike rider, and suck at basketball, then buy something in Montford.
Speaking of Montford, did you know you can’t build a pool in Montford? Well you can build a pool on Scottsdale Drive. You could build two pools in this yard, because it is huge. There is a huge deck, so you could get tan, and then swim in your pool.
If you don’t have kids, these kid of pimp amenities will you get a lady/man or both, that you might want to have kids with.
The floors are freaking bamboo. If it is good enough for a koala, then surely it is good enough for you. There is also a giant laundry room downstairs.
That means you don’t have to pretend not to notice your significant other doing laundry, you can actually not notice in this house. That means more guilt free football, or whatever you do when you are acting like a dead beat spouse.
There are two closets in the master bedroom and one is huge, with mirrors as closet doors. If you can’t think of anything good to do with a giant mirrors in your bedroom, then you should probably buy in Montford.
Did I mention there is a garage?
Do you know how much nagging from your spouse you can avoid, if you have a garage. You go down there and drink beer, and pretend like you are doing something important, and no one will ever bother you. It is genius!
So in summary, if you want your kids to suck at basketball, get hit by a car, if you want to be pale and never find a suitable mate, if you are boring in the sack, and like listening to your loud ass kids scream all day, and if you hate watching football, then buy another house.
If you like any of those things then buy my house before I go broke.”
Classic right? My favourite line:
“The floors are freaking bamboo. If it is good enough for a koala, then surely it is good enough for you.”